


COCK ROCKET

by Assidy



Category: Elon musk - Fandom, SpaceX
Genre: AO3 totally changed one of my tags into This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Falcon Heavy, It actually kinda has plot, M/M, Masturbation, Science Fiction, SpaceX - Freeform, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 02:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assidy/pseuds/Assidy
Summary: In an attempt to fill what I see as a desperate need for Elon Musk erotica, I present to you: Elon Musk having sex against the Falcon Heavy.





	1. COCK ROCKET

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This work is only one chapter long. The second chapter just re-posts the last chunk for linking to another site that has low word limits.

Elon strode across The Factory Floor. You know, That One. The one with the giant fucking Falcon Heavy, nearly complete and still erect from a recent publicity shoot.

No one was here. He'd had it shut down for the holiday. The workers had been whining about spending two thirds of their lives on site, and anyway, he'd been having the urge to be alone with his rocket ship.

It was kind of nice, really. He'd had a taste for the factory ever since he'd slept on the Tesla production line. All the hustle, all the bustle, the clanging and banging and noise. Minds and machinery and pieces all coming together into a unified whole. It really helped him think.

This, though. This. Was totally different. Absolutely still and silent. But somehow not empty.

Or— Yes, empty. In a way that begged to be filled.

"Big, isn't it?"

Elon jumped out of his skin, and his skin jumped high enough to haul itself back over his skeleton in mid-air. Too much Red Bull. He really needed to cut back to less than two cans an hour. He turned to see a man he didn't recognize, elderly and white. 

"Yeah. Big. How did you get in here?"

"Shaped like a huge, rigid cock."

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, you know you were thinking it through the entire design process. _Gonna launch my giant cock into space._ "

"Do I know you? Only authorized personnel can get onto this floor."

"Well, since I got onto this floor, that must mean I'm authorized."

"Whatever," Elon sighed. "What are you here for?"

"Cock rocket." He gestured at the Falcon. "I came to see your cock rocket. And you." His eyes flicked down to Elon's crotch, and stayed there.

"Yes, well, you're charmed, I'm sure. Now get out."

He ignored him and strolled slowly around the rocket ship, reaching up to trail his fingertips across its skin, craning his neck to see all the way to the tip, nearly a tenth of a kilometer above. Elon looked up, too. Seeing it vertical still gave him a rush.

"27 Merlin rockets, just waiting for their orgy.”

He approached and ran his fingers across Elon's face just like he had on the rocket; it made him shiver.

“I like women, thanks,” Elon said, stepping back. 

“Me too!”

“Great, we have something in common.”

He smiled. 

"You know your biggest problem is weight? That thing will have a hard enough time escaping Earth's gravity without dragging along its own fuel! How many tons are in there?”

"There _will_  be 443 tons. Only 5% of the ship is its payload. Yeah, fuel's heavy, congrats on passing Rocket Science for Kids.”

"What if you took away the fuel's weight?”

"Well, just subtracting the volume of the fuel alone..."

The man pushed him against a tank. The smack of solid against his entire back made his guts leap.

The intense old man looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Assume the volume is the same. The fuel's there. The Earth's gravity just isn't an issue."

Elon thought his next statement would be cutting, but the way his voice carried it, it just sounded breathy and surprised. "The issue isn't really weight. It's inertia."

"Inertia. A result of..." The stranger's body pressed against his. Face so close he could smell orange on his breath and see nothing but those fiery eyes. Something about it made his heart skip, regardless that this was some guy 20 years his senior and not a sexy lady. And yet his thoughts weren't on pushing this creep off of him, nor on the opposite desire his pelvis seemed to be contemplating. Something in his caffeine-driven brain compelled him to finish the sentence:

"Mass."

"Mass," the old man growled, with a firm bump to his crotch.

"Rocket... fuel..." he gasped.

"Rocket fuel." Two bulges found each others' tips through fabric.

"Massless... rocket fuel."

"Mmmmm," the man said, and started nuzzling his neck.

"But I... I could do that," he said, his incredibly overcharged and astoundingly dumb brain managing to prioritize an engineering breakthrough over active sexual assault by a stranger.

And his incredibly overcharged and astoundingly dumb sex drive making him tilt back his head to encourage the licking on his neck.

"Keep ~~going~~... I mean... Keep _all_ the other properties the same, the volume, the s-size, the energy, but remove the mass, it v-violates"

"Violates"

"Relativity, but if this process that just hit me works, if I can separate the matter from the Higgs field, it's actually... very..."

And they both groaned, "Easy."

"Yesss," the man hissed into his neck.

"I know how to do it. I know how to make massless rocket fuel. The payload size would be limitless. And holy smokes, it's even cheap," Elon said, and the man kissed him full on the mouth.

He responded, tongue, slobber, everything. Teeth grabbing lips and hands clawing hair. Everything fit, everything fit so damn PERFECTLY in his mind and in his body, with this stranger who knew exactly how to maneuver them both.

"You're a fucking genius, you know that?" the man growled. “You are gonna be a goddamned fucking god."

“Fuck, damn,” Elon groaned as the body and and heat overwhelmed him.

“You're gonna colonize Mars, you're gonna propagate the entire human race.”

Elon grabbed him, taking the initiative now in shoving his tongue down the other man's throat. His hips bucked against his body. Fuck he was hard; that enormous cock-shaped rocket of his was nothing compared to what was in his pants.

As if he'd read his mind, the older man's hand was down his jeans, handling him with an adeptness he could barely have come close to if he were doing it himself.

Elon fisted his hair, thrust into his hand, tried clumsily to return the favor as he fumbled at the other man's clothes, and climax was snowballing rapidly when the man stepped abruptly back.

"Come on," he said. "Up against the fuselage." A scaffold led a good way up the second stage, and the man practically hauled him up the steps and threw him against the cool, curved metal. Elon pressed his cheek and fists against it with a shudder.

They both panted, from the exertion of climb, the sudden dizziness of height that made even the man with the upper hand reel a bit, and, of course, from the skyrocketing altitude of their sexual passion.

“It flies in the face of physics,” Elon said as the man worked his clothes off.

“But this isn't a physics solution,“ the older man said, tossing a shirt into a long, elegant descent to the floor. “It's an engineering solution. That's why those dorks sitting in their ivory tower writing imaginary equations about imaginary rockets haven't thought of it yet. You're right here on the factory floor DOING it. That damn Falcon is longer than God's dick and you have not imagined it, you have BUILT it." 

Now a heated erection was unquestionably rubbing against his crack, and he gasped, “Wait, I haven't—”

“With toys you sure as hell have.”

“How do you know about my Atlas V?”

“You damn well are loose enough. Fuck, founder of ten world-changing companies, just shut up and let me get some lube in there.”

“I didn't found that many—”

“It's a Fermi estimate! Now do you want this—” he thrust a slick finger inside him and simultaneously gave his cock a long stroke, “—or not?”

“Who the fuck even are you,” Elon muttered, pressing his palms and forehead against the Falcon. “Yes, fuck, y—Aah!”

In one smooth, almost bearable motion, the man pushed in and nailed him right on the prostate. And from that moment on, everything in his awareness was set to either High or Off.

What was overwhelming Elon more, the elation of a genuinely great breakthrough or the fact this guy was hitting his mark every single god damned thrust? The thrill that he had just achieved something revolutionary, or the hand that managed to attend his balls and cock in just the right pattern? The feeling of a mind working at its highest state, or the feeling of a sex drive doing the same? 

Whatever it was, he rode it, breathless from the g-force, every noise crushed out of him an exclamation and not an inhalation, blackness squeezing out his peripheral vision so only the white of his creation danced between the sparks. On top of him, the other body entered a frenzy that could have been out of control, but never separated from the rhythm Elon was feeling.

With a keening cry from them both, the older man delivered his payload into Elon's ass while Elon launched his seed into the vast distance below, and also kind of down the side of the Falcon Heavy, and all over the scaffolding, and damn it he was going to have to clean up all of this before the engineers found it, wasn't he.

He sank to his knees, then the platform, and his partner melted with him. 

He gazed through the diamond-shaped grill, 60 meters to the floor beneath his ship. The man spooned him and nibbled his ear.

Maybe this was the time for pillow talk, but he just kept speculating, "But if you remove mass while size remains the same... even when accelerating... fuck, you'd have no limit, I mean, it's not just rocket fuel, you can do this to anything, you could even... Oh yeah that's good," he sighed of what the stranger was doing to his ear. "You could even... Go faster than light... But that would mean you could...”

"Keep going," he breathed in his ear.

"Time travel."

He hugged him. Nuzzled him. "You do."

“Oh my Gooood, you're me from the future.”

“Like it wasn't obvious.”

He rolled over to study himself. Future Musk pushed himself up to oblige. Hair mostly gray, body slim— weight loss must have finally been perfected for people who don't take care of themselves— a distinguished network of lines beginning to bore their way across his face, a nose that looked like it may have been broken at some point, and the confident, leering grin of a man who has two worlds on a plate.

"So you came back in time to... Give me the inspiration that would lead to a time machine?"

"Don't be silly, that would be a paradox. No, you were going to have this exact same breakthrough in about an hour while jerking off onto the booster."

"Is it to stop someone I know from dying? Ooh! That hot singer I've been wanting to hit on! Do I get to rescue her?"

"No, you idiot. Come on, I'm you. What reason would you have for inventing time travel in the first place?"

"To... God damn it."

"Say it."

Elon sighed. "I invented time travel so I could have sex with myself."

"Yeppers." He tossed a device into the air that oriented itself and snapped a selfie of the two of them naked together. "Gonna post this to Twitter. Well, so long!"

"Seriously? You can tweet penis pics in the future?”

"Yep, to 4 billion followers. The rest of the population gets it disseminated through the news."

"Wait, make my dick look bigger."

"There's a filter for that. Makes it erect, too. See?"

"Ah. Yes, that's good. Another invention of mine?"

"No, that one's Mark's. But you did invent this..."

He stood and tapped his device. His clothes leapt onto him.

"Why would I invent that."

"You invented a way to make anybody's clothes drop off instantly. It just happens to work equally well in reverse."

“Knowing this now won't affect my timeline?”

“Ehh, stuff like inspiration sloshes around and it all works out the same. But,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Do me a favor— When an angry British ex-pat challenges you to fisticuffs, do NOT accept.”

“An angry British... well, I'm sure it will make sense when the time comes.”

"It will. Anyway, it's time for me to move along. I've got to go and fuck you in 38% g."

"You mean I—”

"Yes," he said, in an erotic moan that surpassed all the noises he had made thus far.

Elon bit his knuckles and shook his head. “I can't even process that right now.”

“You'll get there.”

“Apparently,” he said with a short laugh. “Well, I guess this is goodbye, then. Thanks for the... Fuck."

"Any time," he said with a wink.

As he vanished, he shouted, "I laid my nuts on your Roadster!"

"Damn," Elon said, wobbling to his feet and looking at his spaceship. "I guess I've got to find a way to get rid of that car."

 


	2. Ending for people who followed the link from Reddit

“Oh my Gooood, you're me from the future.

“Like it wasn't obvious."

He rolled over to study himself. Future Musk pushed himself up to oblige. Hair mostly gray, body slim— weight loss must have finally been perfected for people who don't take care of themselves— a distinguished network of lines beginning to bore their way across his face, a nose that looked like it may have been broken at some point, and the confident, leering grin of a man who has two worlds on a plate.

"So you came back in time to... Give me the inspiration that would lead to a time machine?"

"Don't be silly, that would be a paradox. No, you were going to have this exact same breakthrough in about an hour while jerking off onto the booster."

"Is it to stop someone I know from dying? Ooh! That hot singer I've been wanting to hit on! Do I get to rescue her?"

"No, you idiot. Come on, I'm you. What reason would you have for inventing time travel in the first place?"

"To... God damn it."

"Say it."

Elon sighed. "I invented time travel so I could have sex with myself."

"Yeppers." He tossed a device into the air that oriented itself and snapped a selfie of the two of them naked together. "Gonna post this to Twitter. Well, so long!"

"You can tweet penis pics in the future?”

"Yep, to 4 billion followers. The rest of the population gets it disseminated through the news."

"Wait, make my dick look bigger."

"There's a filter for that. Makes it erect, too. See?"

"Ah. Yes, that's good. Another invention of mine?"

"No, that one's Mark's. But you did invent this..."

He stood and tapped his device. His clothes leapt onto him.

"Why would I invent that."

"You invented a way to make anybody's clothes drop off instantly. It just happens to work equally well in reverse."

“Knowing this now won't affect my timeline?”

“Ehh, stuff like inspiration sloshes around and it all works out the same. But,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Do me a favor— When an angry British ex-pat challenges you to fisticuffs, do NOT accept.”

“An angry British... well, I'm sure it will make sense when the time comes.”

"It will. Anyway, it's time for me to move along. I've got to go and fuck you in 38% g."

"You mean I—”

"Yes," he said, in an erotic moan that surpassed all the noises he had made thus far.

Elon bit his knuckles and shook his head. “I can't even process that right now.”

“You'll get there.”

“Apparently,” he said with a short laugh. “Well, I guess this is goodbye, then. Thanks for the... Fuck."

"Any time," he said with a wink.

As he vanished, he shouted, "I laid my nuts on your Roadster!"

"Damn," Elon said, wobbling to his feet and looking at his spaceship. "I guess I've got to find a way to get rid of that car."

 

 

 


End file.
